GossipCop So what’s next for Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart after the box office success of “The Twilight Saga: New Moon”?
“Rob & Kristen Eager for Baby” announces the always (ahem) reliable National Enquirer.
Oh, boy.
“Great news!” the tab trumpets. “A baby ‘vampire’ will be winging its way to ‘Twilight’ co-stars – and off-screen lovers – Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson.”
Yeah, this is going to be even sillier than we thought.
A “source close to the couple” tells the tabloid, “Kristen and Rob want to have kids.” “While they initially felt they were too young, those fears seem to have evaporated,” the source continues, “They feel having a baby would cement their love.”
See, Pattinson “very much wants to become a dad – but doesn’t talk about it much… it is kind of his secret,” claims the actor’s cousin Ed Nutley. A previous girlfriend “thwarted” his desires, while “in sharp contrast, Kristen seems to be happy and willing to help her co-star fulfill his dream of fatherhood.” A “close source” confides the two “would like to be married before having a baby… but if Kristen gets pregnant before they get hitched, that’s OK, too.”
Curious about how the Enquirer backs up its bombshell assertions?
“Back in July, an Australian publication claimed Kristen was pregnant… it turned out she was not pregnant… but they’re working on it.”
You mean this Australian publication? The one that was – as the Enquirer admits – 100% wrong?
Oh, but that’s not all! “The starry-eyed stars were recently snapped holding hands at a Paris airport and were seen cuddling at a concert in August,” the Enquirer whispers.
Cuddling and holding hands??
Gossip Cop takes it back. That’s EXACTLY how vampire babies are made. We remember from vampire sex ed.
“Rob & Kristen Eager for Baby” announces the always (ahem) reliable National Enquirer.
Oh, boy.
“Great news!” the tab trumpets. “A baby ‘vampire’ will be winging its way to ‘Twilight’ co-stars – and off-screen lovers – Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson.”
Yeah, this is going to be even sillier than we thought.
A “source close to the couple” tells the tabloid, “Kristen and Rob want to have kids.” “While they initially felt they were too young, those fears seem to have evaporated,” the source continues, “They feel having a baby would cement their love.”
See, Pattinson “very much wants to become a dad – but doesn’t talk about it much… it is kind of his secret,” claims the actor’s cousin Ed Nutley. A previous girlfriend “thwarted” his desires, while “in sharp contrast, Kristen seems to be happy and willing to help her co-star fulfill his dream of fatherhood.” A “close source” confides the two “would like to be married before having a baby… but if Kristen gets pregnant before they get hitched, that’s OK, too.”
Curious about how the Enquirer backs up its bombshell assertions?
“Back in July, an Australian publication claimed Kristen was pregnant… it turned out she was not pregnant… but they’re working on it.”
You mean this Australian publication? The one that was – as the Enquirer admits – 100% wrong?
Oh, but that’s not all! “The starry-eyed stars were recently snapped holding hands at a Paris airport and were seen cuddling at a concert in August,” the Enquirer whispers.
Cuddling and holding hands??
Gossip Cop takes it back. That’s EXACTLY how vampire babies are made. We remember from vampire sex ed.
I just had to share this with you. I had a blast reading this. Oooh OK! has competition in National Enquirer. I can see Bad Ass herself laughing her perfect ass off to this BS. Today is Thanksgiving Day, you twerps, NOT April Fools'.
